***Normally, my writing is completely different but tonight I had to vent. Anyone that knows me knows that I’ve been through the ringer these past 15 months. If writing is a release, I’ve just pressed the button. ***

If pain was a person she’d be deceptively beautiful. She would pierce you with her auburn eyes and seduce you with her calculated kiss. Her aroma would waft through the air like cinnamon spice- sweet and pungent. She would wait on the street corners and indiscriminately seduce the unsuspecting.

Her allure is her ability to adapt. She shows up as an opportunity, a proposition, an answered prayer. She lulls you into a complacent stupor- you ignore the running of her mascara. With wit and subtly she seizes your heart until it pulsates to the beat of her drum. She takes you to the peak of vulnerability- her set-up is complete.

Then… through a single or series of events she sheds her demure demeanor. With the sting of a thousand daggers she digs her nails into the corridors of your psyche. Running, hiding, and sometimes praying cannot distance you from attack- she causes damage to areas once untouched…fractures to areas previously whole.

She lingers. She watches. She plots. She’ll come calling during perceived moments of strength. She makes mockery of your backbone.

Although you loathe her embrace, you can’t escape it. She is as much a part of your life as breathing is. She resides in your subconscious. You hear her shrill cry on the radio, TV or wherever nostalgia is.

If pain was a person, she’d ignore your whimpers for leniency, she’d crush your waving white flag, she would inspire a rant that never ends. Her ultimate goal? It can only be found out after she kills you.

If pain was a person, she wouldn’t read this poem…she would write it…

I’m writing this article in response to a reader named Nita that asked me to delve into this subject. Although this is definitely a loaded topic that’s sure to stir controversy, it deserves to be addressed. There are far too many black women nursing wounds as a result of the indiscretions of a womanizing black man. This article might not provide healing, but it will provide answers; and sometimes answers are enough. If you expect me to bash and/or demonize black men in this article, I WILL NOT DO IT. The goal of this article is to help you understand, NOT to give you more ammunition. Read and be blessed.

This topic is very near and dear to my heart because since I’ve been back in the dating game, I’ve discovered the harsh reality that nice guys really do finish last. At first I thought it was just a cliché used by men that couldn’t seem to find a date, but the more I open myself up, the more I see that many black women have been so emotionally wrecked by past relationships, they can’t seem to get comfortable on the pedestal the new guys is trying to place them on. As I’m writing this, I’m contemplating the major reasons why this cliché is true, and I can only come up with three reasons.

Alright fellas, this one’s for us! It’s time to let the ladies know what we want and why we want it. I’m tired of my brothers being vilified for having preferences! It’s okay to be a picky man because God knows we’re surrounded by picky women. Ladies, this list should spark introspection. If you’re wondering why you’re being overlooked in the dating game, it could be because you’re trying to hone the wrong qualities. I hope this article is as enjoyable to read as it was to write.

Politically, I’m as independent as they come. I have voted for Democratic and Republican presidential candidates. My allegiance isn’t to a party, platform, or personality; it’s to the person/group that can competently lead our country through murky waters. The fact that Obama and I share the same skin pigmentation DOES NOT mean I’m obligated to support his candidacy.

Sometimes our closest friends are the least objective people we know which makes truth a difficult thing for them to swallow. Ultimately, remaining tight-lipped only leads to tension and increasingly awkward interactions. In this new year, you MUST let the proverbial “cat out of the bag” and allow the chips to fall where they may.

Alright, I initially tried to make this article as universal as possible, but let’s be real; I have yet to hear my closest homeboys excessively complain about the sorry, no good, triflin’, low-life women they date. I realize that there are exceptions to every general rule but ladies…you know you’re good at picking the mule over the thoroughbred. I just thought I would offer a little light-hearted insight into why you seem to end up with the same type of man over and over again.

STAY AWAY from the following mistakes and make 2012 the BEST year yet!

Find out if you’re on the track for marriage

Let’s face it, we all have and will make DUMB and/or DESTRUCTIVE choices. No one is immune from “lousy decision disease”. Actually, you might be digging your way out of a bad decision as you’re reading this article. I want you to take heart! Although you can’t reverse a bad decision, you can recuperate from one. Yes it is a process, but depending on how resilient you are you can rebound from an atrocious choice in fairly short order. Prayerfully, this article will help you to reclaim victory after an awful choice…read on.